Hey, we don't make this stuff up.
Which is not to say Weekly World News, the supermarket tabloid that "broke" the "story," didn't.
And Lesli Brassfield, public relations specialist for Missoula County Public Schools, said: "To my knowledge, we are not missing any teachers named Wendy Carpsdale. We don't even have any teachers named Carpsdale."
According to the tabloid - which is also reporting this week that the fate of the world will soon rest on a battle of 7-foot messiahs, one resembling "Baywatch" star David Hasselhoff and the other a dead ringer for Osama bin Laden - the UFO was discovered on a beach on Hong Island after the recent tsunami.
Inside the spacecraft, according to Weekly World News: two drowned space aliens and the Missoula teacher - alive, but strapped to an examination table.
The magazine quotes an unnamed source as saying the teacher "was naked, babbling incoherently and was possibly a guinea pig for ghoulish experiments."
Thai scientists suspect the 90-foot-wide saucerlike craft - WWN offers "top-secret photos" to back up the story - was traveling low to avoid radar detection when it was struck by the tidal wave, according to the tabloid.
But Weekly World News also said it found a "leading Australian physicist with high-level contacts in the Thai scientific community" to dispute that.
"I believe this craft is a submersible," the physicist, "Robert Wilton" told WWN. "This vehicle was almost certainly traveling beneath the surface when the tsunami struck."
Which would make it more USO (unidentified submerged object) than UFO.
Wilton said Carpsdale survived while the two aliens perished because she was in a watertight laboratory on board the spacecraft.
Carpsdale was on her way to a Halloween party in Missoula when she vanished, Wilton told WWN. "Her clothes, including the Martha Stewart mask she was wearing at the time, were found neatly folded in a cubbyhole" on board the alien ship, he said.
Also found on board, according to the story: a ray gun capable of vaporizing a boulder the size of an African elephant, and a McDonald's Happy Meal.
Wilton told the tabloid the aliens found drowned in the spacecraft's cockpit "are classic 'gray-type' aliens with bulbous heads, elongated limbs and two belly buttons."
It took six hours for rescuers to get into the saucer using "powerful, industrial-grade lasers," WWN reported.
Inside, they discovered Carpsdale.
"The girl was frightened and woozy," Wilton said. "She kept moaning, 'Keep your filthy little gray hands off me.' "
There was no word from the magazine on when Carpsdale would return to Missoula, and to teaching.
In related developments, Missoula County Public Schools has no plans to search for whatever classroom has been without a teacher since Halloween, and Missoula police do not to intend to investigate how local citizens in Martha Stewart masks can be snatched off the street by 90-foot-wide spacecraft without anyone noticing.
Reporter Vince Devlin can be reached at 523-5260 or at vdevlin@missoulian.com
|
 |
 |
Add your comment now! Write your comment in the form below.
(Email address is for verification only. If you'd like to email a story, look for the link above)