One son is already married, and another son, Justin, married Joy Trujillo in California on May 13.
A month later, on Saturday, June 17, daughter Sarah married Jonathan Herpel in a formal church wedding in Missoula. “Country garden” was the theme, pastel greens and pinks the colors.
And Jan and Judy Schroeder are still smiling, still standing, not broke or broken from betrothal burdens.
“Both of my daughters said, ‘You gave us the wedding of our dreams,' ” said Judy. “That makes you feel wonderful.”
June through September are the busiest wedding months of the year in Montana. Lately, about 6,700 marriages are logged each year in the state - 800 to 850 in Missoula County - with more than half scheduled in June, July, August or September. About a third happen in July and August.
Despite all of the keep-it-simple advice passed on to brides-to-be - in books and articles like “The Anti-Bride Wedding Planner,” “Priceless Weddings for Under $5,000” and “How to Have a Big Wedding on a Small Budget” - Americans are spending more on weddings than ever.
In fact, bridal spending has increased nearly 100 percent over the past
15 years, and the average wedding now costs $27,852, according to a survey of 1,619 brides by the Conde Nast Bridal Group, publishers of Brides, Modern Bride and Elegant Bride magazines.
Jan and Judy Schroeder planned carefully for their role as hosts to their daughters' weddings this summer. They figure they spent about $3,500 per wedding by emphasizing the blessings of the event, not the bling.
For the past year, Judy clipped half-off coupons to buy craft notions, fabric and embellishments, studiously shopped sales, and bought silk flowers at garage sales that later became bouquets, boutonnieres and table-top decorations. Both daughters used the same flowers.
Judy saved foam boxes from work, and by adding paint, tulle and lights, turned them into brick garden walls that fit the garden theme of Sarah's reception.
One daughter found her wedding dress on the sale rack for $99. Judy's mother-of-the-bride dresses were on sale for under $50 each, and she found cute $30 dresses for the flower girls on the Internet at cheapflowergirldresses.com.
“I just didn't want to pay $110 for a flower girl dress,” Judy said. “It doesn't have to be expensive to be beautiful.”
By tradition or desire, today's brides are still in charge of most of the planning and arrangements for their weddings, although advice is everywhere. Barnes & Noble has 20 different magazines devoted to the planning and execution of six-figure and $600 weddings, with Cosmo, Better Homes & Garden and Martha Stewart all weighing in. One magazine is devoted just to the Northwest region.
There also are five long shelves of books, with do's and don'ts, tales of bridezillas and gauche grooms, checklists, countdowns, faux pas, the tacky and the trends.
Watch out for such guides, however, advises Missoula resident Cari Michelson, who celebrates her first anniversary with her husband, Scott, on Aug. 7.
“The books encourage you to spend money, so you have to be careful, and just do what you can do,” she said.
And pressure from friends and family can get out of hand. Doreen Breza, owner of Beautiful Weddings Bridal & Evening Wear shop near Missoula's red Xs, said she urges brides to come in alone first, to let the bride-to-be speak without competition.
“Girls have dreamed about this day from the time they were born,” she said. “I ask them, ‘What's your dream?' What's good for the mother is not always what the bride wants.”
“We pick the top five gowns,” she said, “and then bring in mom and the friends.”
For this year's trends, think brown, pink, tangerine, black-and-white, strapless, no cumberbuns, full-back vests for the men, square cakes, slide shows of the bride and groom.
“Destination weddings” - where the wedding party meets in Glacier Park or Mexico or at a dude ranch for three days - are up 400 percent in the last
10 years, according to the Conde Nast survey. Sixteen percent of all couples have a destination wedding.
With guests coming from Minnesota, Texas, Hawaii, Washington and beyond, Karli Vold, CEO of Remax Realty in Missoula, and Brent Taylor, who works at Sun Mountain Sports, planned a Thursday-through-Sunday, celebrate-Montana event at Chico Hot Springs for their Sept. 16 wedding.
A golf tournament, trips to Yellowstone National Park, hiking, swimming, relaxing and an outdoor wedding are planned, removing worry of people drinking and driving after the reception.
“People are wanting an experience, not just a day,” said Christian Wohlfeil, owner of Holland Lake Lodge. “You are really giving a gift back to your guests.”
Customizing and personalizing is big. Couples like the idea of carriage rides, releasing doves, or making their own flower decorations, says Kimberly Murray of Joint Ventures, who for
10 years has coordinated Southgate Mall's bridal fair, held each February.
Vold and Taylor have collected photographs from married folks who are guests at their wedding, and plan to display them as part of their own celebration.
“Brides and grooms are really able to break away from any cookie-cutter mold,” Murray said. “You can have a big church wedding, or you can gather up at Snowbowl and have a much more relaxed affair.”
When Cari and Scott Mickelson married at Fort Missoula last August, they added their own personal flourishes into the ceremony: Scott and the pastor rode in on dirt bikes, and Cari arrived on her much-loved horse, Nicki.
“It was a surprise for everyone,” Cari remembers. “It was just a touch that was special for us.”
Even with triple-checked plans, things can go wrong. In a New York Times story last month, one wedding planner recalled a bride releasing $10,000 worth of butterflies at her lavish wedding. They immediately flew into massive lights and burned to a crisp.
Catch any “America's Funniest Videos” and you'll see dancing couples sprawled on the floor, cakes collapsing onto concrete, ring-bearing dogs picking fights in the middle of “I do's.”
“The one thing I'd do different is delegate more responsibility to other people,” said Michelle Griffin-Miller, whose wedding to Cory Miller was July 22 at Fort Missoula. “My mom and I tried to do too much, and we ran out of time.”
Although the wedding started an hour late, “it turned out fine,” she said. “Just keep it simple and ask for help.”
Cari Mickelson has her own tale: The DJ she and Scott lined up for their wedding last August didn't show up.
They found a stereo system and all was fine.
“There is a lot of emphasis on everything being perfect,” she said. “Nothing can be perfect.
“The fact is,” she said, “people won't know what was supposed to happen. If the colors don't match, nobody will notice.”
“With luck, your wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event,” said Murray, organizer of the mall's bridal fair. “Relax. Have fun. Make it everything you want it to be.”
Reach reporter Mea Andrews at (406) 523-5246 or by e-mail at mandrews@missoulian.com. Reach photographer Linda Thompson at (406) 523-5270 or by e-mail at lthompson@missoulian.com.
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