There is no woman on the planet, from Mrs. Claus to Mrs. Penguin, from vodka-guzzling Muscovite housewives to Rio beach bombshells, quite like the Missoula earthy woman.
You know exactly what I'm talking about, and if you don't, then what have you been doing in the basement by yourself your entire life?
Why, this town would be filled with buttoned-down, pump-wearing professional women, cowgirls and hippie chicks. And their husbands. Or the guys trying to date them ... date the women, not their husbands. Go rework those last few sentences.
Don't get me wrong. All three of those are necessary in our diverse little city we've got going on here. Part of that big old rainbow of life. And they are fine, fine people.
For instance, let's say you're a real liberal guy. Plenty of hippie types to choose from in Missoula. You can go for the full-body hair package or opt for a more modern variation, one who wears combat boots with her stockings, buys patchouli by the tanker, grinds her own organic coffee beans and flushes the commode only on odd days.
Or say you're more of a traditional, conservative guy. Again, many options there. Church, the park, the PTA, the shopping center: The traditional woman is ubiquitous. After all, when it comes right down to it, we are in Montana and mainstream, moderate-to-conservative beliefs are still pretty much the dominant ethic.
But admit it: The Missoula earthy woman holds a special place in your heart, doesn't she? Yeah, ya big galoot.
I was thinking about this not long ago. It was something my brother, who no longer lives here, said while we were driving around downtown one day that sounded a truth that rang a deep, sympathetic vibration to the core of my bones: “You cannot have grown up in Missoula without appreciating women like THAT.”
She was crossing Front Street in front of us. Maybe early 40s, wind-tossed hair with a few streaks of gray, sandals, a one-piece, earth-tone dress a bit ruffled around the bottom hem. And her legs? Shaved.
Sigh. “I fall in love too easily,” Chet Baker once sang. Chet Baker, true story, died by falling out a window, for all I know gazing down on an earthy woman.
What is it about the Missoula earthy woman, you ask? Louis Armstrong said that if you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know. But that's dumb. You can define jazz, and you can define the Missoula earthy woman.
For one thing, she's not aware that she's earthy. She just is. She doesn't get up in the morning and say, “Today, I'd like to attain that natural look, so I shall steadfastly avoid applying makeup to my face. And let me see, let's pick out a tie-dye and torn jeans from the bureau, for that will surely signal my earthiness.”
Nah.
That is in stark contrast to the hippie or the traditional woman, who go to great pains to look, dress and smell the part. And that's all fine and well.
But the earthy woman is totally comfortable in her own skin. That's why she doesn't feel the need to wear makeup every day or succumb to the latest fashions. And she's not defined by her political or social beliefs, even though they may run the gamut. That's because, above all, she's an independent thinker.
And suddenly, Jamie realizes that this column is sounding like a really bad personal ad.
I don't want to sound like I worship the Missoula earthy woman. Each woman is an individual, her very own person, and there are wonderful things and odd things and funny things about each and every one of us, women and men alike.
It's just that the Missoula earthy woman, well, there's absolutely no substitute for her.
Go hug the next one you see.
And tell her I sent ya.
Comparison sample, three Missoula women
Earthy - Hippie -Traditional
Makeup:Earthy : Maybe Hippie: Tree sap Traditional: Scoops of Mary Kay
Casual attire: Earthy: Faded Levi's Hippie Potato sacks Traditional Pajamas/shorts
Political beliefs: Earthy: Moderate/liberal,libertarian Hippie Extreme left Traditional Moderate/conservative
Hobbies: Earthy: Hippie Filing lawsuits Traditional Baking, macramé
Last read: Earthy: Utne Reader Hippie “Das Kapital” Traditional Newsweek
Personality: Earthy: Nonconformist Hippie Rabidly cynical Traditional Nice, very nice
Entertainment: Earthy: Poker, theater, music Hippie Sitting in trees Traditional Wine parties
Dog's name: Earthy: Scheherazade Hippie Sugar Magnolia Traditional Fifi
Jamie Kelly can be reached at 523-5254 or at jkelly@missoulian.com.
|
 |
 |
Add your comment now! Write your comment in the form below.
(Email address is for verification only. If you'd like to email a story, look for the link above)