I see that you've "accidentally" run out of your birth control pills again. Maybe you should get a better hiding place for your pill box. When are you going to wake up to the fact that I don't want more children? We agreed before we got married - BEFORE - that two was it. And you can just sleep by yourself until you realize that. Trying to trick me is beyond disgusting - and a total betrayal of the trust we've built.
SWEET TALK
URA QT
HEEHEE! AM I A QT 2? WUT DU MEAN U H8 ME? Y? DONT CLL ME A FREQ. NE1 CAN C UR DA FREQ. GO2 L, U LOSR.
#1 FAN
I really am. I watch you from behind your neighbor's bushes while you're sleeping, and I think, "You know, you're just so perfect for me." And I'll bet you're dreaming of a girl like me, someone who understands you, who can protect you from all the supermodels and unscrupulous studio heads. You want a place with me, in a quiet little town, in a quiet little house. Sleep tight. I'll fend off the bed bugs with this jagged knife.
LOVER BOY
That Mike Reno could do it all - he rocked hard (i.e. "Working for the Weekend") and also had this really soft, emotional side (remember "Almost Paradise," that duet from the movie "Footloose"? He is such an artist - and cute too, with that rad headband!). And Journey, too. They rocked - did you know Steve Perry was an operatic singer? I hope they get back together soon. I'm also really into Foreigner. You know, it's tough being newly single and 40. So, how do you think the blind date's going?
MY BABY
Yeah, sure it is. You go ahead and subpoena me for my DNA. I frankly don't give a rip any more. I was just the flavor of the week anyway - remember Greg? Yeah, remember how you said you loved him at the bar that night, then moved in the next day? That lasted, what - two weeks? Maybe three? Then it was right on to your next victim. So you think it's mine ... fine. I'll live up to my responsibility if it is, but you played a big role in this mess.
I'M SURE
The DNA tests came back, and it is your baby, Michael. You can accuse me of sleeping around all you want, and deceiving Greg, but the fact is that you pursued me for three years in college. And so I finally say yes, and now you think I'm trying to trap you or something. By the way, it was Greg who admitted he was strung out on heroin. What was I supposed to do? Now you can either man up and accept your responsibility, or you can run away and hide, but either way, this baby is yours.
HOW NICE
I see now that you're bringing Greg's addiction into this. Congratulations, Ms. Sensitivity. And how blind do you have to be to not have seen that? You knew him for half a decade. And don't you accuse me of not being a man - you were singing a different tune that Saturday night. I already told you that I'll live up to my end of the deal. But I totally have my doubts about your motives here, Brandy. I'm just like every man, I want a home and kids, but I don't want to be deceived.
SAY YES
And we'll get married, Michael. You have to understand that the whole time I was in college, I was confused. Why do you think I switched my major 17 times and finally settled on abnormal psychology? My life hasn't been easy, but I don't go out of my way to hurt people. So I slept with Greg, but you know what? I tried to make a go of it. And I'm willing to make a go of it with you. I want this baby, and I have loved you for years. I was too afraid and confused to say it.
I LOVE YOU
I really do, Brandy. And I'm sorry. This whole thing has been confusing for me. The truth is, I'm more happy than shocked. I just want to do what's best for us and our child. Brandy, I will marry you!
OK
We're honeymooning in the Bahamas, Michael. I don't like the way you dress. You need a new job. And say goodbye to your college friends.
Reach Jamie Kelly at 523-5254 or at jkelly@missoulian.com.
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