America, with its blowhard media loudmouths, its slovenly and gluttonous table manners, its alarmingly frequent use of garbled grammar and spelling in e-mails and text messages, its, well, isn't that just quite enough to worry about?
And yet Mr. Manners, also known as the irrepressible Elton Anderson, is undeterred. He is on a mission borne of a cultured upbringing in New York City, amid a family that knew how to cross its legs, what to wear to dinner and which fork to use for dessert.
“Home is where etiquette should start,” Anderson told the slightly intimidated students in Karen Stegner's career preparation class. “But if it's not happening there, it's not too late.”
To describe Anderson as an optimist is to do a disservice to the man.
“I would just say that hope springs eternal,” he said of the possibility of transforming Americans into a mannerly, cultured lot.
On Wednesday, Anderson proffered up some hopeful advice for the next generation, a group savvy at typing with its texting thumbs, but not exactly sure how to introduce their embarrassing parents to their teacher.
And how does one introduce oneself to a prospective employer?
And how, really, should I cross my legs, and what should I do with my hands while talking?
Perhaps most important, how do I ask that really cute girl to the homecoming dance?
Mr. Manners - he has a fledgling business of the same name - had the answers, which he consistently delivered with his chin up, his chest out and his eyes fixed on his listeners.
Wearing a well-fitted, gray-green suit with classic shoes, he showed the students how to shake hands (a boy should bend his arm, but a girl should keep her arm extended to create more personal space), how to cross their legs (for girls, at the ankles; boys should keep their feet flat on the floor); how to introduce themselves properly and with confidence.
He hoped, he said, to make proper etiquette as important as the alphabet.
“It's that important,” he said. “Imagine if you couldn't read. It's the same if you don't know how to interact with people properly.”
Some of Mr. Manners' suggestions seemed mildly antiquated and perhaps a bit stilted to the teenagers - his dating routine was goofy and sweet (“I've been observing you for some time in class,” as an ice-breaker) - but they actually immersed themselves pretty thoroughly in his instruction.
“Maybe it's just for today, but I've really seen something of a change come over them,” said their teacher. “I think it's something a lot of them may not have thought much about, so it's nice to see them being enthusiastic about it.”
The students aren't alone in showing some regard for manners. Nationwide, bookstores have seen a pickup in sales for books about manners and etiquette, and etiquette coaches in urban areas report record business, according to a story in the New York Times.
That business is driven not just by parents striving without success to inculcate some mannerly behavior in their progeny, but corporate sharks looking for a new way to get ahead on Wall Street.
Anderson left that world three years ago when he and his sister moved to Missoula, a move he describes in hindsight as “rather bold.”
Anderson has since gotten involved with the Montana Repertory Theatre and the local symphony, and he recently instructed the staff at Blue Canyon restaurant on how to greet its public.
And that is his true love - helping people negotiate the labyrinthine world of personal interaction.
“How you act, how you respond under pressure, tells so much about you,” he told the students. “Every move you make sends a message. You persuade with perception.”
That means carrying yourself confidently, being gracious and speaking with a plan.
“Conversation is not just opening your mouth,” he said. “You want to have thought about what you might say before you actually have to say it.”
To that end, he offered the students an alliterative prescription: “Proper preparation prevents poor performance.”
Etiquette, Anderson said, doesn't change people; it just allows them to speak a new language.
“This was instilled in me as a young person, but it's never too late to start,” he said.
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