(Eighty thousand dollars? OK, we care a little, if only because we can't quite get the image out of our head of the more typical hapless husband trying to justify, say, the impulse purchase of a power tool. All over America right now, newly appreciative wives are saying, “Go ahead, honey, buy that cordless drill.”)
We're also willing to entertain the possibility that police might have had better priorities than checking out the cha-cha-cha going on beneath the men's room doors at the Minneapolis airport last summer.
The hypocrisy.
And the hanging on.
Both these things seem to have become more acceptable in the last decade, thanks possibly to President Clinton's oh-so-lame “it depends on what the meaning of ‘is' is” explanation for l'affaire Lewinsky, along with his refusal to resign.
In Montana, we've dealt with this sort of thing before - most recently in the 2006 sex-and-ethics scandal involving state Auditor John Morrison - and likely will again. So, in anticipation of that unpleasant inevitability, we're offering some common-sense advice to any man or woman in public life conspicuously devoid of same.
1) If you're going to take a stand on something - Craig supported a same-sex marriage ban; as a prosecutor, Spitzer went after prostitution rings; Morrison had an affair with a woman who later married someone investigated by his office - find a cause that doesn't mirror your own foibles. Duh!
2) When you get caught, for heaven's sake, have the decency to Just. Go. Away.
Craig pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, then tried to take it back. Spitzer hung on for two interminable days. Morrison insisted upon staying in the 2006 Democratic U.S. Senate primary, losing badly to Jon Tester.
It's a public official's job to be effective on behalf of the people - us - who pay the salary. But it's tough to be effective after scandals of such magnitude.
So, to the next politician who gets caught with his (or her) ethics down: Please don't sacrifice us on behalf of your wandering ego. Step aside and give someone else a crack at the job, someone who presumably will work as hard on behalf of constituents as he would for his own family. Which brings us to:
3) No more forcing political spouses to stand by their straying sweeties. Way back when, some overpaid consultant appears to have decided it's essential that pols in these pickles 'fess up publicly, beside the loyal spouse with that frozen, agonized look. Somehow, this is supposed to reassure constituents that Š what, exactly? Trust us, Mr. Overpaid ($80,000, maybe?) Political Consultant: We hate it.
Every time we cringe away from that particular image, we can't help but think of the story, perhaps apocryphal, about former Republican House Majority Leader Dick Armey of Texas. He was asked, after some Republicans urged Clinton to quit, how he might have dealt with the same situation. His reply?
“I would not get a chance to resign. I would be lying in a pool of my own blood, hearing Mrs. Armey standing over me saying, ‘How do I reload this damn thing?' ”
When these scandals happen, we voters can always reload, as it were, come election time. But wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to?
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