Footage of Barack Obama playing basketball on YouTube is proof. He's also adept at dribbling with both hands and getting out on the break.
So who cares? Hopefully no one when voting time comes next month.
So maybe all we really know about Barack is he can handle da rock. And all I really know about Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer is he's good at catching and throwing a football (he proved it in the Montana homecoming parade, earning my vote instantaneously).
Times are tough for the average sports-loving Joe bent on voting for the best “man's man.” You don't get much in the form of political coverage on ESPN.
John McCain is especially hard to pin down because his playing days, athletically speaking, have long passed. He reportedly held his own as a boxer at the Naval Academy in the 1950s. Whether he boxed humans or huckleberries at the local canning plant is unknown.
Too bad. That kind of information could come in handy. I want to know stuff a local business owner would never dare ask a prospective box boy. I want to know if McCain can play football on a full stomach, because if he can't, he's no use to me in the Lolo Turkey Bowl on Thanksgiving.
Sadly, presidential posturing will never be as exciting as it was when former Buffalo Bills quarterback Jack Kemp was bidding for the Republican nomination. It was 1988 when his son Jeff, then a mediocre quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, visited my humble abode for an impromptu interview while campaigning for his father.
He ran through a foot of snow in loafers to reach my doorstep. Later he said nothing when my over-friendly pet started playing with his tassels.
Jack Kemp never materialized as a presidential candidate. Too bad, because his son had a patient quality.
Obama and McCain could never hold a candle to an old AFL quarterback like Kemp. I mean, come on folks. We're talking about a real live field general that shows up in legendary films narrated by John Facenda, not some nerd in a suit. Obama looks as though he's been riding Motocross backwards with those ears, and McCain is so white he looks as if he's been rolling in sideline chalk.
The voters seem to favor Obama. Problem is, he can't bowl worth a darn and it may hurt him in November. There's authentic footage of him rolling a gutter ball on YouTube. If Chris Schenkel weren't dead already, that would surely kill him.
In all fairness to Obama, the bowling footage also shows him sporting two-toned rental shoes. What an incredible tribute to the common man.
How McCain and Obama have risen to the top of the presidential heap remains a mystery. The sensible choice for a sports junkie leaning to the left is former Seahawks southpaw quarterback Jim Zorn, who has real-life experience facing angry hordes in Washington. If you lean to the right, former Bills kicker Scott Norwood is without rival.
Why anyone would want to be president is beyond me anyway. It's like landing the head coaching job for the Oakland Raiders, with millions of Al Davis types breathing down your neck daily.
What this country needs is a proven red-white-and-blue warrior to pull the strings. Someone willing to stick his neck out. Someone who can ramp it up when all eyes are looking to him for leadership.
Too bad Evel Knievel died last November.
Sports columnist Bill Speltz may be reached at 523-5255 or bill.speltz@lee.net.
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