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To find meaning at the end of life...

I have learned from my patients and their families a surprising truth about dying:
this stage of life holds remarkable possibilities. Despite the arduous nature of the experience, when people are relatively comfortable and know that they are not going to be abandoned, they frequently find ways to strengthen the bonds with people they love and to create moments of profound meaning in their final passage.

Ira Byock, MD

The Power of Our Stories

Meaning at the end of life often comes through life review or storytelling.

Telling a life story can have many dimensions. The storyteller needs to speak and be heard, to be assured the story will be preserved and passed on, and have the opportunity to share the wisdom gleaned from living a life. That sharing is a major part of the letting go that allows the dying to die in peace and dignity.

Story gatherers will find value in asking questions about life experience and actively listening to the answers.

Tried and true questions include:

  • "What do you think are the most important events of your life?"
  • "What have you learned from your experience?"
  • "Who have been the important persons in your life? And, why?"
  • "What values do you want to pass on to your grandchildren?"

To make the story lasting, record it on either video- or audiotape. Or, write the story for the storyteller and then read it aloud.

Through this life exploration a storyteller may become awed by the adventures life has presented, the obstacles overcome, and the people who shared the journey. The storyteller may discover who needs to hear the important words: "I’m sorry." "Forgive me." "I forgive you." "Thank you." "I love you." And, "Goodbye."
As loved ones near the end of life, there’s no more important task than helping them to see value in the life they have lived and the relationships they have made. Hospice has established five markers of relationship completion. These markers are the things we need to say to one another: I forgive you. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you. And, Goodbye. With these statements often come memories and stories, those treasured tales that make each individual unique.

Find the courage and take the time to speak, and meaning will find its voice.

 

Local Resources

    StoryKeepers
    A local nonprofit organization providing resources and support for life story and life review. Call Susie Risho, 549-0752.

    Faith Communities
    Faith communities provide a variety of resources for all age groups. They frequently offer education, health promotion, social, emotional and spiritual support. Often pastors provide counseling for individuals and families. Many faith groups also have web sites.

    Counselors
    See the grief resource section of this guidefor suggestions on how to find a counselor.

 

Printed Resources

    Books

Albom, Mitch. Tuesdays with Morrie. New York: Doubleday, 1997. The author tells of time he spent with his mentor, a professor from his college days, who is dying. Their rekindled relationship turned into one final class: a lesson in how to live.

Byock, Ira. Dying Well: The Prospect for Growth at the End of Life. New York: Riverhead Books, 1997. A book about realizing the human potential to grow, as individuals and as members of families, through the process of dying. It tells stories about tragedy, but also about love, commitment and courage.

Frankl, Viktor. Man’s Search For Meaning. New York: Pocket Books, 1959. The former Auschwitz

prisoner turned prolific writer describes the psychotherapeutic method he developed as a result surviving a Nazi concentration camp. Frankl’s "logotherapy" operates on the belief that peoples’ deepest desire is to search for meaning and purpose.

Levine, Stephen. Who Dies? An Investigation of Conscious Living and Conscious Dying. New York: Doubleday, 1982. The publisher describes this book as "...the first to show the reader how to open to the immensity of living with death, to participate fully in life as the perfect preparation for whatever may come next. Levine provides calm compassion rather than the frightening melodrama of death."

Lewis, C.S. A Grief Observed. New York: Bantam Books, 1961. Lewis’s wife of four years dies. To defend himself against the loss of belief in God, Lewis wrote this journal, a statement of rediscovered faith.

Miller, James E. When You Know You’re Dying: 12 Thoughts to Guide You Through the Days Ahead. Indiana: Willowgreen Publishing, 1997. Leads those who are dying to understand the importance of meeting the needs of the whole person–body, mind, heart, and soul. ????????

Rinpoche, Sogyal. The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. San Francisco: Harper, 1992. Popular Tibetan teacher Sogyal Rinpoche transforms the ancient translation of an obscure Tibetan Nyingma, offering a guide to the Tibetan tradition. Presents death as more of an opportunity than a crisis.

Tobin, Daniel R., MD, Peaceful Dying: The Step-By-Step Guide to Preserving Your Dignity, Your Choice and Your Inner Peace at the End of Life. Perseus Books, 1999. Based on the FairCare Program founded at the VA Hospital in Albany, NY, this book presents 26 steps to help those who are dying. Has chapters on finding forgiveness, embracing love and achieving peace.

Wolterstorff, Nicholas. Lament For A Son. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1987. This book chronicles a father’s journey through grief as he mourns his diseased son. The author explores grieving, suffering, and death, and God’s role in it all.

    Other Printed Resources

----Gathering the Life Stories of the Dying. A simple guide to collecting stories from those who are aging or who have reached the end of life. Available from the Missoula Demonstration Project, or via the Internet at http://www.missoulademonstration.org/gathering_life_stories.htm

      ----Creating Life Story Circles. A description of how life story circles encourage storytelling and teach people how to listen. Available from the Missoula Demonstration Project, or via the Internet at http://www.missoulademonstration.org/life_story_circles.htm

 

Internet Resources

    Hospice Foundation of America at http://www.hospicefoundation.org
    Provides general information about hospice, but offers also aid in locating a hospice near you and related organizations, and shares hospice stories and resources.

    The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization at http://www.nhpco.org
    This organization offers information on local hospice and palliative care programs across the country and operates a toll-free Helpline at (800) 658-8898. This is the largest nonprofit membership organization representing hospice and palliative care programs and professionals in the United States. The organization is committed to improving end of life care and expanding access to hospice care with the goal of profoundly enhancing quality of life for people dying in America and their loved ones.

    Zen Hospice at http://www.zenhospice.org
    The Project provides professional training and retreats for health-care professionals at medical centers, consulting services to hospice organizations, experiential community workshops exploring the individual relationship to suffering and death, support and meditation groups and retreats for people living with life threatening illness.

 

Other Resources

    American Self-Help Clearinghouse
    Services include a national directory of more than 4,000 local self-help groups. St. Clare’s Health Services 25 Pocono Road Denville, NJ 07834-2995 973-625-9053

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